you like to scoff at the songs i sing,

look annoyed when i try to rhyme.

this is a song you will say is irritating.

meaningless words equal musical crimes.

well baby, the ice cubes in sweet coffee are melting fast.

hate me and pop a candy, and make it last.

all the bastards are waiting for

your verdict so don't ignore.

search your heart

set us free

from the chains of never-knowing holding me.

and i know that you wanna know, if i am the one.

i can see you looking at your friends with their sweethearts

and i know that you also wanna be, the lone wolf of the story.

but i'm begging you please, just try to see if it's me.

Well baby, spot the sheep in wolf's clothing.

Confusion stands firm on where we're standing.

Blow, wind, blow. Don't ignore.

Believe me, I had tried to hide, a thousand times.

Let us just try for this once in a lifetime.

Am

I don't love nobody

C

Don't know, don't care, about it

G

Romance can be so damn heavy.

D

It's frustrating. Just forget it.

I've heard broken promises.

I've seen enough promiscuous.

Saw through all the lies

Once bitten, twice shy.

That is why,

I try my best, and try again,

To make everyone see how,

Fairytales are only fantasies.

I love only me.

what to do? what to do? i so wanna let out something but i don't know what it is. perhaps i should just go to bed and get ready for tomorrow morning at school. yeah, that's what i will do. that's what i should do. okay. babbye.

i can't stop myself from going back to Windows Live Messenger (MSN) and checking on his msn personal message. ever since he started to online a few days ago, i've checked on his personal message for around thirty times.

i never knew guys could flirt so much. i don't know about the other girls at the PRS national meeting, but i had my (more than fair) share of flirty teasing from boys.

which isn't a lot, really, but still.

i'm Carmelia.

who in his right mind flirts with me?

goes to show how cheap certain boys can be some times.

or maybe they just like having fun.

plus, i'm technically not some kind of monster looking girl, i'm still passable.

so perhaps i should not make such a big deal out of it, but i don't really like it.

made me avoid certain areas of the place the whole three days i was there.

but one incident stuck in my mind.

the waiters there were all quite good-looking (well, in my opinion anyway, but then again most of the guys i see are good-looking according to me so my opinion might not be valid) and cool, as in, they don't make much eye-contact with the students, don't smile much, just keep to themselves,ect LC-ness.

Not all of them, but the bunch of waiters i'm referring to are like that. They give off the aura: "Get your food and begone." with a little tinge of "Please and thank you." since they work there and are required to be polite, at least.

So I was walking to the lifts when from a side door, out came one of them. Not sure which one, they all look roughly the same.

He glanced at me and as he strode past the lifts, just in front of me, he hit the button for the lift (going up) at first I was like, okay, i will have to detour because i really don't want to be in the same lift as a guy, alone, which is scary. also awkward. but then he just walked past.


...?

then realization hit me: he hit the button for me.

i mean, no one else was around. i checked.

the feeling was good, people. not to brag or anything, but recording this down in my blog, i wish to remind myself of this little incident that really melted me. it was a sweet gesture, even though i don't know why he did it (the reason is probably sick but i'll never find out anyway) and i am sure it isn't an accident. i mean, how can you accidentally fling your arm to the side, 90 degrees east, and hit the small button on the wall?

so thank you, phantom waiter, for your really cool and sweet deed. :)

Will be gone from Sunday afternoon to Wednesday morning. I will be in Stadium (is it?) Tabung Haji for the Perhimpunan Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya Kebangsaan.

I joined this last year as a participant. This year, I"m one of the working staff- an AJK, I guess. But not much work for me, since I'm only needed Tuesday night, for the closing ceremony. I heard it was going to be a big thing, so protocol has to be observed. I think the Chief Education Minister, or something like that, will be attending. The big people lah.

I'll be seeing our school's Chinese Orchestra Band Tuesday night. They'll be performing two songs. Also, our school's Kebudayaan will be performing too. Rampaian Melayu.

I'm the Mistress of Ceremony, with Ervin John. He'll be speaking Malay and in charge of all the important announcements. I'm in English, and I'll only come in later on.

Which is like, I'm jumping on the bandwagon without doing anything much, to get a National certificate. Tee-Hee.

But feel bad lah.

I really think Nana should have been the one involved. She'll benefit so much more. But last year there was a ratio of races to fill, and they wanted a Chinese, so no-can-do, I had to go instead.

If you just can stop yourself from

如果你已经不能控制

Once, everyday: thinking of me;
每天想我一次

If, because of who I am, you are honest;
如果你因为我而诚实

If you watch my movie,
如果你看我的电影

Listen to my favorite CD;
听我爱的cd

If you can bring me around the world with you;
如果你能带我一起旅行

If you decide to follow your heart,
如果你决定跟随感觉

Strengthen your courage for love;
为爱勇敢一次

If you say that we have each other;
如果你说我们有彼此

If you'll start to believe
如果你会开始相信

This love story;
这般恋爱心情

If you can give me a story of 'what if'.
如果你能给我如果的事

I only want a story of 'what if'.
我只要你一件如果的事

I'll love you with all I've got.
我会奋不顾身地去爱你

(my translation; not direct)

我想过一件事
不是坏的事
一直对自己坚持
爱情的意思
像风没有理由

轻轻吹着走
谁爱谁没有
所谓的对与错
不管时间
说着我们在一起有多坎坷
我不敢去证实
爱你两个字

不是对自己矜持
也不是讽刺
别人都在说我其实很无知
这样的感情被认定很放肆
我很不服
我还在想着那件事

如果你已经不能控制
每天想我一次
如果你因为我而诚实
如果你看我的电影
听我爱的cd
如果你能带我一起旅行

如果你决定跟随感觉
为爱勇敢一次
如果你说我们有彼此
如果你会开始相信
这般恋爱心情
如果你能给我如果的事

我只要你一件如果的事
我会奋不顾身地去爱你

(Finally found this song.)