Why hide myself here? Protected by judgmental thinking. Protected from myself.

I tend to scream out to the world what I am, only to be met by casual nods and silence.

Only to regret revealing myself. It's an impulse, a desire to connect with the world, a desire to be seen.

Just shut up, Melia. Just shut up.

EDIT: i have removed this story. decided to rewrite. :) sorry guys.

Dear Bloiary:

1. Cikgu Lim asked me how he can hyperlink his YouTube videos in his blog. :D Which means he thinks I'm good at these stuff. HAH! But I'm flattered all the same.

2. Suddenly found myself being a Gamemistress at my cousin Caiden's 9th birthday. He asked, how can I say no to birthday boy? Came up with a random scavenger hunt. Bad idea. Four lipstick prints equaled blodges of lipstick on the floor (sorry aunti Shirley for ruining your lipstick indirectly) and seven hair strands equaled kids screaming as they cut off each other's hair with scissors that appeared out of nowhere. Exasperated, I asked them why didn't they just pluck their hair out? They answered, all innocent: "But it hurts!"

3. Dad came back from Manilla. Boy, didn't know that Manilla was an alternate Labuan- Dad bought chocolate enough to keep me off the computer for ten minutes. :O Hershies, Bon-Bons, Nestle blah blah blah.

4. Decided that, if I ever get to direct and produce a movie, I'll choose the story Driftwood by Cassie Cassidy.

you like to scoff at the songs i sing,

look annoyed when i try to rhyme.

this is a song you will say is irritating.

meaningless words equal musical crimes.

well baby, the ice cubes in sweet coffee are melting fast.

hate me and pop a candy, and make it last.

all the bastards are waiting for

your verdict so don't ignore.

search your heart

set us free

from the chains of never-knowing holding me.

and i know that you wanna know, if i am the one.

i can see you looking at your friends with their sweethearts

and i know that you also wanna be, the lone wolf of the story.

but i'm begging you please, just try to see if it's me.

Well baby, spot the sheep in wolf's clothing.

Confusion stands firm on where we're standing.

Blow, wind, blow. Don't ignore.

Believe me, I had tried to hide, a thousand times.

Let us just try for this once in a lifetime.

Am

I don't love nobody

C

Don't know, don't care, about it

G

Romance can be so damn heavy.

D

It's frustrating. Just forget it.

I've heard broken promises.

I've seen enough promiscuous.

Saw through all the lies

Once bitten, twice shy.

That is why,

I try my best, and try again,

To make everyone see how,

Fairytales are only fantasies.

I love only me.

what to do? what to do? i so wanna let out something but i don't know what it is. perhaps i should just go to bed and get ready for tomorrow morning at school. yeah, that's what i will do. that's what i should do. okay. babbye.

i can't stop myself from going back to Windows Live Messenger (MSN) and checking on his msn personal message. ever since he started to online a few days ago, i've checked on his personal message for around thirty times.

i never knew guys could flirt so much. i don't know about the other girls at the PRS national meeting, but i had my (more than fair) share of flirty teasing from boys.

which isn't a lot, really, but still.

i'm Carmelia.

who in his right mind flirts with me?

goes to show how cheap certain boys can be some times.

or maybe they just like having fun.

plus, i'm technically not some kind of monster looking girl, i'm still passable.

so perhaps i should not make such a big deal out of it, but i don't really like it.

made me avoid certain areas of the place the whole three days i was there.

but one incident stuck in my mind.

the waiters there were all quite good-looking (well, in my opinion anyway, but then again most of the guys i see are good-looking according to me so my opinion might not be valid) and cool, as in, they don't make much eye-contact with the students, don't smile much, just keep to themselves,ect LC-ness.

Not all of them, but the bunch of waiters i'm referring to are like that. They give off the aura: "Get your food and begone." with a little tinge of "Please and thank you." since they work there and are required to be polite, at least.

So I was walking to the lifts when from a side door, out came one of them. Not sure which one, they all look roughly the same.

He glanced at me and as he strode past the lifts, just in front of me, he hit the button for the lift (going up) at first I was like, okay, i will have to detour because i really don't want to be in the same lift as a guy, alone, which is scary. also awkward. but then he just walked past.


...?

then realization hit me: he hit the button for me.

i mean, no one else was around. i checked.

the feeling was good, people. not to brag or anything, but recording this down in my blog, i wish to remind myself of this little incident that really melted me. it was a sweet gesture, even though i don't know why he did it (the reason is probably sick but i'll never find out anyway) and i am sure it isn't an accident. i mean, how can you accidentally fling your arm to the side, 90 degrees east, and hit the small button on the wall?

so thank you, phantom waiter, for your really cool and sweet deed. :)

Will be gone from Sunday afternoon to Wednesday morning. I will be in Stadium (is it?) Tabung Haji for the Perhimpunan Pembimbing Rakan Sebaya Kebangsaan.

I joined this last year as a participant. This year, I"m one of the working staff- an AJK, I guess. But not much work for me, since I'm only needed Tuesday night, for the closing ceremony. I heard it was going to be a big thing, so protocol has to be observed. I think the Chief Education Minister, or something like that, will be attending. The big people lah.

I'll be seeing our school's Chinese Orchestra Band Tuesday night. They'll be performing two songs. Also, our school's Kebudayaan will be performing too. Rampaian Melayu.

I'm the Mistress of Ceremony, with Ervin John. He'll be speaking Malay and in charge of all the important announcements. I'm in English, and I'll only come in later on.

Which is like, I'm jumping on the bandwagon without doing anything much, to get a National certificate. Tee-Hee.

But feel bad lah.

I really think Nana should have been the one involved. She'll benefit so much more. But last year there was a ratio of races to fill, and they wanted a Chinese, so no-can-do, I had to go instead.

If you just can stop yourself from

如果你已经不能控制

Once, everyday: thinking of me;
每天想我一次

If, because of who I am, you are honest;
如果你因为我而诚实

If you watch my movie,
如果你看我的电影

Listen to my favorite CD;
听我爱的cd

If you can bring me around the world with you;
如果你能带我一起旅行

If you decide to follow your heart,
如果你决定跟随感觉

Strengthen your courage for love;
为爱勇敢一次

If you say that we have each other;
如果你说我们有彼此

If you'll start to believe
如果你会开始相信

This love story;
这般恋爱心情

If you can give me a story of 'what if'.
如果你能给我如果的事

I only want a story of 'what if'.
我只要你一件如果的事

I'll love you with all I've got.
我会奋不顾身地去爱你

(my translation; not direct)

我想过一件事
不是坏的事
一直对自己坚持
爱情的意思
像风没有理由

轻轻吹着走
谁爱谁没有
所谓的对与错
不管时间
说着我们在一起有多坎坷
我不敢去证实
爱你两个字

不是对自己矜持
也不是讽刺
别人都在说我其实很无知
这样的感情被认定很放肆
我很不服
我还在想着那件事

如果你已经不能控制
每天想我一次
如果你因为我而诚实
如果你看我的电影
听我爱的cd
如果你能带我一起旅行

如果你决定跟随感觉
为爱勇敢一次
如果你说我们有彼此
如果你会开始相信
这般恋爱心情
如果你能给我如果的事

我只要你一件如果的事
我会奋不顾身地去爱你

(Finally found this song.)

For pictures from Tim Burton's Alice in Wonderland go here.

At least, I think those are the pictures.I didn't dare put them up here because, well... Keep my blog rated U. Hehe.

Johnny Depp's Mad Hatter. Seriously scary, but intriguingly fantastic.

Someone said Burton must've signed a life contract with Depp. I laughed but then again, rather logic. If I were Johnny Depp, I'd work with Tim Burton whenever i can. Vice Versa.

TIM BURTON'S ALICE IN WONDERLAND.

I first saw it in FaceBook. Then I looked through a few trailers. One of the captions was:

"Alice grew up. So did Wonderland."

It's out in cinemas 2010. :D

So now, other than Coraline and Brave Story (which, sadly, is more difficult to access) I have Alice in Wonderland.

Tim Burton rules.

Describe you ideal boyfriend.

Finally, I've found a personality-based question that I cannot answer.

A few years ago, I'd be typing madly on about the wonderful, cool, silent-type guy with dark hair and deep, green eyes...

Maybe I had matured in my thinking since then.

Because now, it doesn't really matter what traits or personality that guy has. In fact, I have a feeling I can love any guy, given a chance and if God wills it to be.

Well, perhaps except macho, very muscular chauvinistic types. My love is not THAT great.

I don't think it's because I'm desperate for love that i'll love anyone who decides to one day, like: "oh, i think i'll fall in love with Carmelia today."

So how, you might ask, do you know which guy is the one?

And, knowing how 'Ahmen' I am, you might scoff, "Trust God to point it out?"

Well, what would be wiser than that? If I believe God to be omniscient and omnipotent, then I'd be stupid not to trust Him.

From this website i googled.

Compulsive Overeating
People suffering with Compulsive Overeating have what is characterized as an "addiction" to food, using food and eating as a way to hide from their emotions, to fill a void they feel inside, and to cope with daily stresses and problems in their lives.

(OMG am i doing that?? am i hiding from my emotions?? is there an unbearable emptiness inside me that i yearn to fill?? STRESS???)

People suffering with this Eating Disorder tend to be overweight, are usually aware that their eating habits are abnormal, but find little comfort because of society's tendency to stereotype the "overweight" individual.

Words like, "just go on a diet" are as emotionally devastating to a person suffering Compulsive Overeating as "just eat" can be to a person suffering Anorexia. (SEE?? This website understands me.)

A person suffering as a Compulsive Overeater is at health risk for a heart attack, high blood-pressure and cholesterol, kidney disease and/or failure, arthritis and bone deterioration, and stroke.

(i'm only seventeen. almost. i don't want to die from high-blood pressure. which seventeen year old dies from that? unless you have some blood problems.

wait. I DO.)

Men and Women who are Compulsive Overeaters will sometimes hide behind their physical appearance, using it as a blockade against society (common in survivors of sexual abuse). They feel guilty for not being "good enough," shame for being overweight, and generally have a very low self-esteem... they use food and eating to cope with these feelings, which only leads into the cycle of feeling them ten-fold and trying to find a way to cope again. With a low self esteem and often constant need for love (I NEED LOVE!!!) and validation he/she will turn to obsessive episodes of binging and eating as a way to forget the pain and the desire for affection. (T___T poor me.)

It is important to remember that most Eating Disorders, though their signs and symptoms may be different, share a great number of common causes and emotional aspects.

Wikipedia:

During binges compulsive overeaters consume as much as 5,000 calories and up to 60,000 calories per day, which results as an addictive "high" not unlike those experienced through drug usage, and a release from psychological stress.

This is in line with other theories of addiction that attribute it not to avoidance of withdrawal symptoms, but to a primary problem in the reward centers of the brain.

For the Compulsive Overeater, the ingestion of trigger foods causes release of the neurotransmitter, serotonin. This could be another sign of neurobiological factors contributing to the addictive process.

Abstinence from addictive food and food eating processes causes withdrawal symptoms in those with eating disorders.

There may be higher levels of depression and anxiety due to the decreased levels of serotonin in the individual.^[2]

There are complexities with the biology of compulsive eating that separate it from a pure substance abuse analogy. Food is a complex mixture of chemicals that can affect the body in multiple ways, which is magnified by stomach-brain communication. In some ways, it may be much more difficult for compulsive overeaters to recover than drug addicts. There is an anecdotal saying among Overeaters Anonymous members that "when you are addicted to drugs you put the tiger in the cage to recover; when you are addicted to food you put the tiger in the cage, but take it out three times a day for a walk."^[2]

Seriously. That is SO me. I have an unhealthy fixtation on food, and unless I get help soon, I'll be 70 kilograms by the time SPM comes around. I'll be so fat that I'll have low self-esteem and become antisocial. How am I supposed to go out for SPM then?

Never imagined food to be so academically destructive.

The words are coming I feel terrible
Is it typical for us to act like this
Am I just another scene
From a movie that you've seen 100 times
Cause baby you weren't the first or the last or the worst
And I've got to fill the blanks in the past with a verse
And we could sit around and cry but frankly your not worth it
Anymore


So say hello to all the boys at the top of this table that you're under
Lipstick lullabies
This is sorry for the last time
And baby I understand that you're making new friends
This is how you get by
The moral this time is
Girls make boys cry

On any other day I'd shoot the boy
But your simple toy
Had caused a scene like that
Leave him hanging on the walls
Just a picture in the hall
Like 100 more
***


And your name remains the same
All that has changed is this pretty face
So pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
But never start over

Pull the trigger
It never gets closer
You want to start over
but never start over

thanks Nana!

Turn it inside out so I can see The part of you that's drifting over me And when I wake you're, you're never there But when I sleep you're, you're everywhere You're everywhere Just tell me how I got this far Just tell me why you're here and who you are 'Cause every time I look You're never there And every time I sleep You're always there 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone I recognize the way you make me feel It's hard to think that You might not be real I sense it now, the water's getting deep I try to wash the pain away from me Away from me 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone I'm not alone I am not alone Whoa, oh, oooh, oh And when I touch your hand It's then I understand The beauty that's within It's now that we begin You always light my way I hope there never comes a day No matter where I go I always feel you so 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I close my eyes it's you I see You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone 'Cause you're everywhere to me And when I catch my breath It's you I breathe You're everything I know That makes me believe I'm not alone You're in everyone I see

So tell me Do you see me?

-Everywhere by Michelle Branch

oh my gosh. i've been to a few people's blogs (namely keele, hui chet and qay) and i realized, once again, how good as bloggers they are.

you'd be surprised.

T___T it was never meant to bee.

Part (II)

Stanely Steven

Power: Super strength. Using conscious concentration, can control the amount of energy released by his body.

Side-effect: Needs to eat a LOT to replenish his strength, and super strength does not equal super skin; sometimes damage is done to his skin and flesh while hitting things or tearing things apart- the impact is too great.

Appearance: Same, but with longer hair.

Lifestyle: Works as a waiter at the cafe where Daphne works too. Each day, he needs to eat an amount of food equivalent to a normal person's one week diet.

Rowena Jodi

Power: The ability to 'feel' other people's personality and inner consciousness by physical contact. She knows things about people that they themselves are unsure of. She can also feel people's dreams whilst they are asleep.

Side-effect: Emotions tend to leak out from people into her as well, so whatever that her 'client' is feeling, she feels too, be it anger, misery, or depression. Also, Rowena has access to secrets about people that she might not want to know.

Appearance: Same.

Lifestyle: Using her powers to the utmost, Rowena earns truckfuls of money each year by being a psychologist. The degree she got was just for her to officially open a 'clinic'- she does not need it. Her fame as a psychologist is very great, because her analysis is always correct. However, when it comes to advices, Rowena has to use her own logic and experiences.

Carmelia Yong

Power: Physical flexibility. She can shorten herself, lengthen herself, widen herself... Limitless possibilities.

Side-effect: She cannot stretch too far, though, because however much she stretches, her original mass and volume is maintains. Also, her blood, brain juice, saliva, and all other fluids in her body cannot be stretched as well. She can only lengthen dead cell parts, such as hair and nails, and cannot shorten them. In addition to that... stretching hurts.

Appearance: Changes all the time. She can be short, fat, tall, thin, big nose, big feet, long thin fingers, short, stubby toes, long eyelashes...

Lifestyle: Writer who has deadlines for her books and has to travel everywhere to gain inspiration, sponsored by her publisher. It's awesome most of the time, but sometimes she cannot choose her destination, which sucks. She often goes shopping because there is no real limit to what she can buy- she'll just reshape herself according to the clothing. Her power is not very useful, but sometimes, her close friends might need someone to slip under a door...

Danial Ryan's very cool story inspired this blog post:

If I were an Animator, what powers would I give my friends,

how would they look like, and what would be their life story?

(caution: anyone who cannot take a joke and/or suffers from split personality disorders and/or is Danial Ryan or whoever else who has an awesomest imagination and will scoff at my puny creativity should not continue reading)

(caution: i warned you)

Melissa Chong

Power: Super Memory. She can remember anything and everything, from digits to words, to facts and computer codes.These memories are stored for quite a long time, unless she decides to mentally dispose of them.

Side-effects: When there really is too much for her to remember all at once, she becomes very silent and ignores everything else, focusing only on memorizing, even when she's in danger. She will get the memorizing done.

Appearance: Same long, straight black hair, with a short Lady-Gaga fringe in front.

Lifestyle: Lives in an apartment with a cat and goes out often to malls and parties. Rather popular and hyper, which is a contrast with her power. When with close friends, she does not mind showing off her powers, like rattling off people's names, what happened in full detail that day, or phone numbers.

Daphne Lim

Power: Superb eyesight. Forget the hawk, forget the eagles; Daphne Lim has the best eyesight in the world. Focused, she can easily spot an ant on the ground from five floors above. This power also allows her to analyze very carefully colors and pixels, making her more sensitive than the best color scanners in the world. Daphne probably knows the secrets behind the Mona Lisa painting too, how each layer was put on, and if there is anything behind the colors.

Side-effects: The longer the distance, the more strained her eyes become, which leads to searing painful headaches and temporary problematic normal eyesight.

Appearance: Same short hair, with a natural dark blue tinge to it visible only in pure white light. Dark blue eyes, but color lightens as degree of power used goes up- from dark blue to aquamarine, to cyan, to light blue ect.

Lifestyle: Lives downtown and works part-time for an Exhibition and Events Specialist as a photographer (weddings, concerts, conferences ect). She works at night at local cafe as a guitarist, and rides a motorbike, which has a removable contained in the middle in which she sometimes puts her furry little dog, Biscuit.

Nana

Power: Ability to understand animals. She can decipher animal habits, movements, and the sounds they make into logical and correct explanations. All animals, including birds and insects, can be understood by her. Thus, she knows how to communicate with them, especially animals with higher-thinking capacities, such as apes, eagles ect.

Side-effects:To be able to understand such a diverse range of animals, Nana's mind has to undergo a lot of mental transformations, resulting in a tendency to space out and do random, weird things. But having an extremely flexible mindset also has it's advantages: Nana excels at critical thinking subjects, such as Additional Mathematics, Maths, and solutions to rubric cubes.

Appearance: Same.

Lifestyle: Often goes around town and fields photographing things. Friends who don't know about her power thinks she has a mental retardation of some sorts, since they sometimes see her making facial expressions to herself, when in actual fact she was responding to a cockroach or mouse's rantings. Nana notices this, but she doesn't really care because of all the secrets she'd learnt from the animals. She also goes to the local vet often to help out. The people there like her very much because Nana can do things they can't, like calm animals down, or find out what the problem is.

Pearl Liew

Power: Ability to control wind. She can move billions and trillions of air particles all at once, resulting in either a small breeze, or a huge gust of wind. This enables her to create tornadoes, and well as storms, by manipulating the air in the skies. She can also stop them.

Side-effects: Sometimes, especially when unconscious, the air around her will move automatically, creating mini breezes around her. Also, moving air particles requires energy, just like moving solids, so there are limits to what she can do, depending on her physical strength.

Appearance: Same.

Lifestyle: Like Melissa, she goes out often to malls and socializes very well. People tend to notice the strange breeze they feel when close to her. When there are outdoor activities to be held, she will secretly blow away rain clouds- or blow them in, whichever she wants. Pearl never has a problem with heat. Others might be sweating, but she'll look cool. Her close friends sometimes asks her to help dry their clothes, shoes, or Maggi for them.

Tag by Nana II

Things I was doing ten years ago: Drawing, reading, learning how to ride a bike, amusing my aunt's friends, buying Rm 1 kicap mee from the canteen.

5 things on my to-do-list today:

1. Church.

2. Buy black shoes.

3. Eat Tom Yam.

4. Sleep.

5. Scold Coffee.

5 snacks I enjoy:

1. Chocolate.

2. Chocolate flavoured puffs.

3. Chocolate coated marshmallows.

4. Mango.

5. Corn in Cup.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:

1. 10% for God.

2. Donate to church.

3. Throw awesome surprise birthday parties for friends.

4. Cancer checkings for family members.

5. Save the rest for university. (there's more but question wanted only five)

5 of my bad habits:

1. Procrastination.

2. Always lecturing other people.

3. Overeacting.

4. Not organized.

5. Big eater.

5 places i have lived in:

1. My home.

2. My imaginary world.

3. My other imaginary world where I'm a girl with super mental powers.

4. House in Pantai, Sipitang.

5. The other house in KK.

5 people i'm tagging:

1. Coffee.

2. Bunni.

3. RIP Mr. Ka.

4. My sister's Rubic Cube.

5. Tom Yam.

Tag by Nana.

Starting Time: 4.36pm

Name: Carmelia Yong

Sister: Sophia Yong.

Brother: Jerry Yong.

Shoe Size: 5, 6

Height: 163cm

Where do you live? The realm of happiness.

Favorite Drink: Skyjuice.

Favorite Breakfast: Taken in the morning.

Have you ever been on a plane? Yeap.

Swam in the ocean. Yeap.

Fell asleep in class: How many times am I allowed to 'yeap' in a single answer?

Broken someone's heart: Yeap.

Fell off your chair: I think so.

Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call? Yeap, and i got very angry that night.

What is your room like? Chicken coop minus the hay and eggs. and chickens, of course.

What is right beside you? Air.

What's the last thing you ate? Watermelon, courtesy of Cikgu Chong the Counselling Teacher.

Ever had:

Chicken Pox? Yeap Happy two weeks.

Broken nose? No.

Do you believe in love at first sight? Love as in "omg i gotta have that marshmallow!"? yes. love as in "forever"? big fat NO.

Like picnics? Well. Depends. But I guess so.

Who was, were the last person you danced with? Bunni.

Last made you smile? Tom Yam.

You last yelled at: Bunni.

Today did you talk to someone you like? Yes.

Kissed anyone? Bunni.

Get sick? No. Talk to an ex? Ex what? No.

Miss someone? Hmmm... Yeap.

Eat: I live to eat.

Best feeling in the world: Too numerous and best to say with limited amount of words.

Do you sleep with stuffed animals? "Bunni, are you stuffed? He says yes."

What's under your bed? Enough stuff for a homeless family to live on.

Who do you really hate? Mr. Cancer.

what time is it now? 4.46pm.

it's one after another after another... though i'm not as busy and accomplished as Terence Tan the potential SCHOOL ROLE MODEL 2009, but well. this is what's coming up after i finished my art project today: 1. Friday night youth gotta plan games. 2. Friday morning ICAS English. 3. Saturday noon Hyatt buffet. 4. MC at PRS thingy at Sutera Habour. 5. Open Day. 6. Chinese General Knowledge quiz at Tshung Tsin.

... quit whining, whiney.

GO DO YOUR ENGLISH LITERATURE YOU CRAZY MONKEY!

i'd like to do stuff that is truly awesome, so when i show them to my friends, they can sincerely be hyper and excited and super crazy for me, and feel happy that they are friends with me. because i feel happy to be friends with such cool people.

omg i just polished off an entire container of papayas.

Sitting in a durian tree.

Remembering what you once told me.

How you just love eating durians,

because I'm a Malaysian,

but now you're dead because of the heat.

Ooohhhh durian heaat........

Heats you up so happily.........

Durian treee..........

I'm sitting in a durian treeee....

"Durian Heat" - Carmelia Yong

i don't know why, but everytime i think of Taylor Swift, it reminds me of Abigail and Nicholas. When i think of mushrooms, I remember Nana.

maybe people like me can actually find Facebook enjoyable because deep down, i have a desire to connect with people. maybe my lack of social life since i was little gave me an urge to catch up on all those long-lost years of socializing. or maybe i want the attention people give me when i'm on Facebook, posting quotes, pictures, tag, ect... or maybe both. because some people find Facebook boring, so i guess they must be prety independant people who really have a good, real social life. either that, or they are hopelessly anti-social. heheh.

my SS colage.

okay. first off, before anything else, i'd like to say that yes, i know i have been procrastinating. i've been lazy and putting off my work until the last minute. i'm a slob, i lose stuff, and i am not organized. (it's a debating tactic to point out your own flaws and holes before the opposition does.)

now that i got that over with...

I TOTALLY HATE DISLIKE TO A VERY DANGEROUS POINT ART!!!

Although I don't regret taking Art for SPM (because i am thinking about becoming an illustrator) that still does not deter me from hating disliking it to a very dangerous point. perhaps it has something to do with the fact that Cikgu Perfectionist expects us to get A1 for Art.

Well, i'm proud of myself for that, and later on in life i'll be sending her cards and flowers on Teacher's Day, thanking her for stuff.

But right now, GAAAHHH... Other students doing the same project has done and gone. Theirs is simple, with a little bit of flaw here and there. (except Jasperin and Malek and Marcella. Their cases same with me)

Mine? Macam mau design and built rocket. A little bit cut outside the pencil line and it's like, NO! NO NO NO!! SALAH SUDAHH! NO MORE A NO MORE HOPE~!! (i added in the last sentence)

but i do appreciate her guidance, really, i do. maybe i should be scolding myself now.

TU LAAAH!!! PROCRASTINATE! WHAT? You feel like jumping off a cliff? You feel like eating pills to sleep for days? You feel like givingup and getting a D? You feel like crying? Well, guess what, ME MYSELF SAYA DAN AKU? PADAAAAN MUKAAAA!!

That's much better. I have about 75% not done yet. I left my mounting board at school so i can't do the cutting.

Tomorrow, when the teacher sees what i've done (which is zilch) she will turn black and become very frustrated and i will cry, like last time.

oh, i used to think that being 'black with anger' was just a phrase and physical impossible, but Cikgu Perfectionist is living proof that, with the right genes and the correct motivation, you CAN turn black in the face.

a song i wrote quite some time ago. it's rather quirky and short-beated.

woke up on the wrong side of bed.

crashed into the door, got a bump on his head.

now he's rushing downstairs.

mummy and daddy doesn't seem to care.

brother finished the Honey Stars.

"Alright. Fine." He ran out the door; the bus just left.

Finally got to school, but he was very, very late.

Finally got to class, where he was always the last...

I hear him say:

"I'm trying to live my life, but life's not really nice to me.

Sometimes I'm so tempted to just let it be.

Don't think I don't understand, how hard it is to change me.

I'm trying to stay alive, so stop stopping me."

Brave Story incorporates a lot of values that games nowadays LACK miserably.

that is why i like it so much.

to people who say that it is too kiddish or 'boring': too bad.

picture taken by Nana :D

i want: to watch Brave Story the Movie

to read Brave Story Manga

to read Brave Story the BOOK

there is ZILCH fanart of REI!

:( how can this be??

gah. i shall have to take it upon myself to draw some pictures of Rei out. he certainly deserves some fans and fanart. maybe even a fanfic. teehee.

Why didn't they screen Coraline in Kota Kinabalu? :(

It's a TIM BURTON MOVIE for heaven's sake. (isn't it?)

Instead they put out movies like Drag Me To Hell and some other movies that I don't remember the name of because they are just too...

In addition to Coraline, i also wanna watch:

BRAVE STORY the animated movie. :D

the main characters, Wataru and Mitsuru, appeared in Brave Story: New Traveller- the psp game that i've FINALLY FINISHED!!! But only as guests.

The movie stars them, especially Wataru.

it's about how his 'happy' family starts to fall apart, and Mitsuru, his friend, shows him the Door which leads them to Vision, a... well, magical land of sorts.

Wataru has to journey across Vision to get one Wish granted. And I suppose that Wish is to bring his family back together.

Pretty ordinary.

However, what interests me the most is this part which i saw in a trailer on YouTube:

(SPOILER ALERT!!!!!)

Mitsuru, i think, was going sorta berserk. and I guess it's for the sake of getting his Wish granted. so there was this flash of Wataru, thinking:

"i wonder, is it okay to do anything for this wish?"

my conclusion is that whilst Wataru is still pure and good-hearted, Mitsuru sort of became obsessed about getting his wish granted.

however, that is only my guess.

in Brave Story the game, there was a pretty cool twist at the end. i like playing RPG because it's like a fantastical movie, only you get to take part in the action too.

i guess the game reflects the movie. Wataru the hero, in my game, is Sharace (i picked this name) the hero. Movie kitkin (catgirl) is Meena, whilst Game kitkin is Yuno. Movie Chief Highlander (Vision police) is Kutz; Game Chief Highlander is Meladee. Movie Waterkin is Kee Keema; Game Waterkin is Sogreth. And in the game, there are two additional characters: Leynart, a Knight of Stengal (ramkin? lambkin? he has two horns) and Ropple, a very intelligent elf who finally learnt how to understand other people's emotions.

my favorite character, however, is the protagonist-turned-antagonist:

Rei.

(MORE SPOILER ALERT!!!)

At first, he seems to be the only and final enemy of Sharace (my game hero).

He's a 'Traveller', just like Sharace, which means he is also a human being who was allowed into Vision to have one wish granted. But he is evil, and will do whatever it takes to get his wish. He killed a lot of people.

Typical bad guy.

But then, when he was about to kill Sharace's sick friend, Ressie (who was unconscious in a hospital on Earth), he could not bring himself to do it. immediately my heart softened for him.

one of the characters in the game talked about how everyone has a good and evil side in them.

the good guys are only lucky that they are in environments where their good can be developed. the bad guys, being caught in difficult situations, become bad.

in Rei's case, he was actually a nice guy. But he knows that, when he was born, his mother dumped him in the park toilet

'like some turd she laid'.

he was hurt, very hurt that his own birth mother threw him away like that.

So he worked extra hard to prove himself, and finally got the attention of a couple, Hospital Directors.

Here is the part I don't get: They love him, but he just can't bring himself to love them back. Like, why? I don't know. Perhaps he doesn't dare to trust them with his love. Maybe he cannot understand how these people can actually love him when his own mother abandoned him.

In short: Rei has these horrible, bad memories which he can't stand. Memories of what? I don't know. Of being lonely?

But he is obessesed about getting his wish because he wants his memories wiped off. Obessesed enough to set free a legion of demons into Vision, just for the sake of getting his wish.

sounds like a certain someone in the movie.

but in the end, he was betrayed by the Demon King, and was about to be killed by the demons when Sharace and his friends protected him.

That was when he told them half his story, and in the end, used his magic to send them away from the demon-infested place even though that meant leaving him alone to fend for himself.

gosh, i totally fell in love with him at that point.

After I finished the game, Rei's familiar voice was heard as Sharace was talking to Ressie. His foster parents were heard talking about how changed Rei was.

Happy Ending. :D

Brave Story Trailer

hmm. i don't know why, but i don't blog about 'what happened' like Nana, Melissa, Daphne they do. they can simply list down the things that happened, sometimes even detail them (Melissa) and upload pictures. i don't. i'll probably regret it, because i'm not recording my memories. heh. i think my focus is more on the future. not that that makes me a practical kinda person. not at all. i'm actually rather dreamy. which is why it's hard for me to get things done. one of my favorite pastimes, i've noticed about myself, is sitting in a moving vehicle, looking out the window. i don't really need music, but it's nice. like the time we went to China, and dad rented this cold, curtained mini-van. it was rather late at the time, around ten? the lights were so beautiful against the black sky, it was cold... the feeling's indescribable, but it's definitely a feeling that i got addicted to. is it bad? perhaps that addiction is like smoking, or doing drugs. maybe if i do drugs i'll get the same feeling. well, it's not like i don't have access to the 'feeling'. after i get my driver's license, i'll probably roam the city once in a while, with the air-con and radio on. just a joyride. can't wait. :)

i larb Bunnie. <33

i'm still blogging even though sooner or even sooner, mummy's gonna scream. she never gives pre-warnings.

it's all happy and nice and sunshine and rainbows, and you think she's okay with you being online. until...

*Jaws soundtrack* deng deng deng deng deng deng deng...

"GET OFF THE COMPUTER!!! GO TO BED! WHY ARE YOU ALWAYS SO DISOBEDIENT??"

Here are some lyrics to parts of songs that Melissa sent to me. I'm listening to them as I type them out. Thanks, bebeh. ;) appreciate it! :D

Reason Why- The Click Five

Maybe it's our first mistake, and baby that's alright. It's crazy how we lost ourselves tonight. There's a reason why they say that we should give it time, but time is not enough. And that's the reason why, when you're young you fall in love.

Wake Up In (somewhere)- Katy Perry

You wanna cash out, and get the (somewhere) out of town...

Don't be a baby, remember what you told me: -(chorus)

Don't call your mother, cause now we're partners in crime; don't be a baby, remember what you told me.

You Belong With Me- Taylor Swift

You've got a smile that can light up this whole town,

I haven't seen it in a while since she brought you down.

You say you're fine, I know you better than that.

What are you doing with a girl like that?

LOL i have just noticed a serious flaw in my

'How Well Do You Know Carmelia?' Facebook quiz.

3. Out of the following four, i have NOT read:

a. Twilight

b. Harry Potter Series

c. Series of Unfortunate Events

d. Tales of Andrew Androcles.

People who know me will know that the answer is Twilight.

I don't even want to browse through that book. Don't know, don't care. (Before Jeanette and all Twilight die-hard fans pelt me with apples, let me say that this does not deny the fact that Twilight is awesome.)

So that meant I read the other three.

Now my question to myself is this:

Who on earth is Andrew Androcles???

There is NO SUCH BOOK AS Tales of Andrew Androcles.

My brain is serious warped.

Where, during the plotting of my quiz, did Mr. Androcles come out?

This must mean something. I'll probably get married to someone named Andrew Madrocols or Andy Mandricles.

People aren't always selfish. Sometimes, they don't care because they don't understand.

Is it an obligation to understand?

They have their own lives. You're trying so hard to live yours, because your life is the only one you've lived, and is living, and will be living for the next second, and all the seconds to come.

How would you know, really, anything about someone else's life?

How they feel at all split-seconds, the secrets they can't tell, the pain they've felt, their experiences and thoughts. The mistakes they've made, that they know and don't know about.

And is it your fault that you don't know? Should everyone start letting go of themselves and try understanding others?

Perhaps.

I wonder sometimes, looking at random people out there. Here I am, living in my own soul, and everyone else living in their own.

Sometimes, I see, maybe that man driving that car, or that cashier girl. So many people pass us by everyday.

Now that I think about it, it's disturbing. My life story worth sixteen years only is precious enough to me, because it is me. Then how about all those millions of life stories out there?

Given a chance, I'd randomly pick out a few, or maybe even just one, and delve into their lives, understand them, try to love them for what they've been through and who they are.

I cannot imagine all the things I'd learn from them.

It's crazy, picking random strangers to intertwine my life with, but truth is, everyone we know and love right now were once strangers. All that I had experienced originates from them. My life story is made up of them.

I am who I am because of them...

Who am I to judge? How can I hate anyone, knowing that they have a life story, that they have a soul, just like I do? Amongst thousands of millions other souls, what is the worth of my single soul?

Who am I to hate or hurt anyone?

And yet, I know that I will somehow or another hate and dislike someone. I'm no angel. I'll still hurt people, I'm still selfish, I'll still only live in my own soul.

But maybe that human weakness of mine is part of what gives my soul worth.

"After all, no one can learn where there is no imperfection."