taking up ART for SPM wasn't the fun that i thought it'd be.

yes, i had expected the discipline that was needed, the amount of time that I will need to put in, the effort, the sacrifices...

all for something that i love doing.

but now, no more.

not when this 'art' is giving me nightmares.

not when this 'art' is making me feel all stifled and smothered.

not when this 'art' is 'art' through other people's eyes, other people's judgement.

not when this 'art' that is tailored according to a couple of government officials' taste and likings.

not when this 'art' has guidelines to this, this, that, that, you have to use this, you must measure this according to this, you cannot use that...

it's becoming as numbers to me.

yes, i do realize that we need to learn, with discipline, the proper techniques, the best way to do this and that.

but we're not learning these.

instead, we're measuring drawing papers, drawing loads and loads of lines with rulers, trying to photocopy a piece of photo with art materials on it by drawing it out, colouring it, and then fail miserably because we don't know how to, and printing photos, collecting materials, recording references and website URLS and magazine names and issues...

frankly speaking i don't care if i can file a project properly or design a theater room according to the 'latest fashion'.

i want to learn how to use water color, the techniques involved, crayons, oil pastels, the different mediums, how to create certain effects...

I WANT TO LEARN ART.

NOT HOW TO TURN ART INTO A 'MARKETABLE SKILL'!!!

T__T but i guess i'll just have to live through this. what i want i don't always get.