it's 1.38am.

i'm listening to music, but, probably for the first time, i realize that, however nice, however beautiful the music is, how nice it makes me feel, the song will never understand what's going on in my heart.

so now, instead of wallowing my emotions in the song, i feel a certain barrier between the music and i.

it pounds through the earphones, but it doesn't reach the inside of my chest anymore. it's strangely quiet inside there.

i can feel it. but i still appreciate it.

i can borrow the music, wave my emotions into it, like a piece of cloth, to put it together, instead of being messy like strands of cotton.

at least, that's what i picture in my mind. i don't really know what's going on inside my heart.

i don't feel anything strong. just mixed feelings.

a certain, apathetic pity for the guy who died today, a story told by a friend.

then something rather fun, incited by Nico, someone new i met.

then something cold, for the guy i've known for quite a long time.

oh, yeah. that's right. i don't know if i know him.