my mum's out, my sister's doing muffins, my brother's watching television, and i'm online.

for the third time today.

behind my mum's back.

i don't know why i have to online so much. like last night. i only slept at two.

six hours later, additional math tuition was gouging my eyes out.

i don't feel like a very good friend right now. maybe a good friend, but not a bestfriend.

it's okay. i've met people in the past that claimed they did not have bestfriends. at that time, i was shocked. like, how can anyone NOT have a bestfriend? it was not like they were anti-social freaks or something. even I have bestfriends.

but now i know. it's not anyone's fault. it's just fact, i guess, that i really don't deserve to be called someone's bestfriend. i don't do anything for them, and they have better friends than me. automatically i'm not the best anymore, doesn't that make sense?

i think i'm only taking shelter under Stanely's gang. i appreciate them very much... There are times when i feel so protected, being part of the gang. these times are very fleeting moments, but still. as though no one dares to get on my wrong side because they know i'm one of these Amanah coolies.

Seriously, they're really cool. Not the cream of the school (that would be the top prefects), but also part of the top society in KKHS. Influential, powerful; the lower forms definitely can't beat them, and the form six are not as experienced in school and as well-grounded as they are. the teachers dislike them, but have to give way because these are potential straight-A students, popular and can do major damage if they want to. not that if there's a battle the teachers would lose; they'd win, but they'll suffer big losses.

well, that's what i think of the gang anyway. (the gang consists of Daphne, Stanely, Melissa, Pearl, Rowena. Aubrey is kinda like a branch out. I think i am too.)

they'll disagree with me, but from where i stand, that's what i see.

listening to Beautiful Soul right now. =D i never seem to get tired of it. it's the only favorite song of mine that i've never exhausted the love out of.

recently i get the feeling that there are certain guys who are, well, preparing to flirt with me. i mean, they are not flirting, but i can see the change in their attitude when they converse with me. i don't know why... maybe it's because of the inner change i went through in the past week?

i gotta admit, it feels good to be liked. :D on the other hand, if they do start to flirt, then i'll have to make a choice, whether to entertain that or to ignore it. i'll definitely ignore it.

the Melia i know will ignore it..

i don't change my personal message so often anymore. i used to, everytime i online, and there are certain people who are on as well, i'll keep changing my personal messages to suit my mood and feelings. to, sort of, let out my feelings.

but i guess i finally realized that no one gives a damn about it. who would? i don't blame them. there are probably tens of people online, and everyone has a personal message with different meanings to them. they'll only care if that someone's a certain someone.

i'm like that too, now. last time i tried to change this attitude of mine. i made myself think about each personal message, what it'd mean, because if that person puts out a personal message, it must be something deep for him or her.

think about it. every personal message that you put, it's either some lyrics that you feel deeply about, or a quote to match your current life. something... worth thinking about.

that was what i thought. past tense. i don't really care anymore. i still have the urge to change my personal messages, but i can control it now. i've gotta learn to be more practical.

i feel very comfortable around Keele. =D maybe it's because i know he won't get angry easily. he stands by his principles. i've seen him 'in action' before so i know. a very cool guy, one of the hidden coolies in a movie called life. haha.